


Paper Petals

by RachaelGold



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 01:45:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14533986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachaelGold/pseuds/RachaelGold
Summary: Voyager is home, and we get a short glimpse of our two favourite characters packing to leave. In the last few minutes of their mission, Chakotay finds something that brings back a distant memory.Setting: Immediately post Endgame (canon friendly)





	Paper Petals

Chakotay gave Seven a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder. This was all very disconcerting for her. Watching her regeneration chamber being dismantled for transport down to the surface was bringing the reality of the situation into sharp focus. Her own small collective…the one that had nurtured her since her rescue from the Borg…was being broken up forever. She was understandably apprehensive, but Chakotay’s promise of support was, for the moment, her lifeline. 

The engineers dragged her chamber away from the wall with a loud growl, and, when satisfied, they ordered its immediate transportation. It was way too heavy for them to lift to the transporter room, whence most of the smaller baggage was being removed. The leader of the team asked Seven if the few containers that she had already packed were all that were left. They were. Seven really had not much by way of personal possessions, and the team of muscular hauliers disappeared immediately with them, leaving the two uncertain Voyagers alone. They looked round the room, surveying the damage and speculating that what was left would soon be ripped out too. It almost seemed like desecration…a high price was being paid by Voyager for getting them home. 

They exited the cargo bay, and Seven elected to go to say her goodbyes to the Doctor…a person just as anxious about his fate as she was. Chakotay said he would meet her in the transporter room in about a half an hour, at which time they were scheduled to beam down. They would be almost the last to go…Seven because of her regeneration chamber and Chakotay because of his position of seniority. He kissed her on the cheek and made his way in the opposite direction. His own meagre belongings had been packed and removed much earlier. He found himself heading for the quarters of the person he was going to miss the most. His captain. 

The corridors were almost empty, which was not in itself disturbing. They had had moments of quiet in the past. Friendly planets, where large contingents of the crew took shore leave, had appeared infrequently. What was eerie was the way the doors were all thrown open and the rooms stripped bare. Those people you did see were strangers: people in Starfleet uniforms, but strangers nonetheless. After years in a closed community, this was decidedly unnerving. His footsteps also had a unfamiliar echo to them, and he felt a wash of melancholy flow into him. Arriving home had been an incredible achievement, but it also heralded a sense of profound loss. 

He came up on her quarters, and he thought with some sadness that this might be the last time he’d visit her here. He came face to face with two ensigns in the doorway, each with containers of Kathryn’s belongings, and he stood aside to allow them to pass. He intruded into her lounge and peered through into her bedroom, where he saw her wrestling with a riot of colourful clothing spread across her bed. 

"Spirits, Kathryn, I didn’t know you had such a varied wardrobe. I don’t think I’ve seen you in the half of this!" 

"Chakotay? No, you haven’t," she said, turning and looking a little flustered. "Most of these are gifts from the various civilisations we’ve befriended. And some are far too revealing for a Captain to wear…" she added, holding up a beautifully colourful but translucent silk, which, though it might have technically covered the essentials, would not have actually hidden them from view. It was a garment whose sole purpose was to tantalize. 

"I see your point," he grinned. The thought of her wearing such a provocative garment was highly delicious. "It wouldn’t have done much for your status as Captain! But it might have given crew morale something of a boost!" She shot him a look of outrage. "Let me guess…Sikaris?" 

"Got it in one." She folded it up. "I suppose it might make an interesting exhibit some place…" 

"Oh? You aren’t going to model it for me?" he asked in a tone of mock disappointment. 

She rolled her eyes, but smiled at him. It had been awhile since they’d had one of their teasing conversations. She was going to miss it. "In your dreams, Commander." He sighed. It was just the sort of thing that had been in his dreams…once. 

She busied herself for a bit. "I came to see if there was any way I could help." 

She glanced around. "It’s pretty much all done," she said, indicating a series of containers lined up in the lounge. "The handlers Starfleet have sent are doing an excellent job." 

He grunted in agreement. 

"You can seal those up, if you like." 

"Okay." He walked back through into the lounge and fixed the lid on the first of a line of five containers. It held paintings from her walls. He glanced at the second. It contained an assortment of books. At the top was one he recognised. Dante’s Inferno. She had leant it to him once, and he had been very touched when she had. It was one of her treasured possessions. He picked it up rather fondly. Opening the fly, he saw the dedication, inscribed by Mark’s own hand. He’d read the words before…several times…and it had made his heart ache for the woman they were meant for. 

  


_  
_

To my darling Kathryn, on the occasion of our engagement. 

You have brought the sun into my life and I love you with all my heart. 

May I make you as happy as you have made me. 

Yours forever, Mark. 

_  
_  


His throat constricted yet again. The man might even be waiting down below to greet her. If so, it would be a bittersweet reunion. He wasn’t hers forever. 

With a heavy heart, Chakotay delved a little further into the book. He discovered a bookmark, lovingly made by Naomi and proudly given to Kathryn on one birthday. He smiled at the childish stitching. The design had a large embroidered sunflower on a blue background. He remembered the delight in the girl’s eyes, as Kathryn had voiced her profound appreciation of the gift. Clearly, Kathryn had treasured it as much as she had appeared to. He cast his eyes over a few of the words on the page, reminding himself of some of what he had read. 

He thumbed through a few more pages and the book now fell open at a page with another curiosity in it. For a moment, he wondered what it was. Then his heart skipped, as he realised with chilling certainty what he was looking at. It was a pressed rose. Its colours had faded. The leaves and the petals had faded to a papery brown, with just a pinkish hint on the tips of the petals. It held just a fragment of its former glory, but Chakotay knew he’d seen it before. 

He looked at it, confused. Why had she kept it? It hadn’t meant that much to her, surely? He had given it to her many years ago, and he had given it with a heart full of love. He hadn’t thought she had received it as anything other than a friendly gesture, but as such she would have had no reason to keep it. Carefully, he picked it up and studied it, twisting the delicately fragile object round with his fingers. There was no mistaking it. He'd last seen it on the table in her Ready Room. It was the rose he had given her the day she had almost died. When she had almost been stolen from him. The memories came flooding back: a potent mixture of both pain and relief called to him through the distance of time. 

Kathryn noticed the silence and glanced into the lounge, curious to see what he was doing. With a sickening jolt, she realised just exactly what he was looking at. How humiliating that he should have found it! The worst thing he could possibly have discovered. Well, maybe there were a couple of pictures he didn't know about, but they were safely stowed elsewhere. 

Chakotay suddenly became aware that he was being watched. He looked up and saw Kathryn in the doorway, her face a mirror of the horror she was feeling. 

"Chakotay, what are you doing?" she asked in alarm. He sensed immediately that he was intruding on her privacy…despite the fact that it involved him. He was treading on thin ice. For a moment he felt equally disconcerted. Like a naughty schoolboy caught peeping into the girls' locker room. 

He swallowed. "You kept it?" he asked in wonder. 

"Yes, but it is of little consequence now," she said, trying to cover her now rising embarrassment. She closed on him and held out her hand expectantly. "Please…" Chakotay looked back at the flower, and, as he did so, two petals detached themselves from the bud. Both pairs of eyes watched in silent dismay as they floated slowly to the floor. 

"I’m sorry," he apologised, somewhat mortified. 

She bent and picked up the petals. "It’s probably time I threw it out anyway," she blustered. As she stood, he handed her the rest of the rose and he noted that she was avoiding his gaze. She walked over to the recycler and dropped the entire contents of her hand on top of a pile awaiting disposal. He almost felt her stab of pain as she did so. She stood, smoothing down her uniform, but kept her back to him. 

Chakotay hardly knew what to say. "You didn’t have to do that…" 

"I think I did," she said firmly, turning now. He could see her eyes were glistening. She didn’t need to spell it out for him. He understood that she meant that time had moved on. That the sentiments symbolised by the rose had long since been lost. She knew about his budding relationship with Seven. And he knew she knew. 

"I hope we’ll always be friends…" he said, rather choked himself. She stood there fighting the tears and unable to answer. So he took several paces towards her, and pulled her into a hug. Her head dropped onto his shoulder for a moment and he felt her shudder just a little. He whispered in her ear, nuzzling her hair and inhaling her perfume. "I’ll miss you. Promise me, we’ll stay in touch." 

She took awhile to answer. "I’ll try," she said faintly. She wasn’t sure she wanted to make promises she didn’t think she could keep. Chakotay’s mind was in turmoil now, trying desperately to think of something to say that wouldn’t make matters worse. His mind was only just beginning to process what this all meant. Suddenly, she slapped him on the arm and stepped back. "This isn’t helping, Chakotay. I think you’d better go. I need to get on." 

He looked at her sadly. This wasn’t the way he’d wanted to say goodbye. There were too many undercurrents. Too many things being left unsaid. Too many emotions swirling just beneath the surface. And he knew exactly what the constraint was. His new relationship. He simply nodded and turned to go. "I’ll see you on the surface," he said, as he left. 

Kathryn took herself through to her bedroom and slumped on the bed, slapping her hands on the frame in frustration. Why did this have to happen? It was just so humiliating. It was bad enough having to watch him walk away with Seven, without having her feelings so rudely exposed to him. She knew from his reaction that he was close to guessing the truth behind her keeping the rose. She’d never told him how she felt. She really hadn’t been in any position to. But she had planned on telling him when they got home… until it became obvious that he no longer felt the same way as he once had. No, this wasn’t turning out to be the joyful homecoming she’d always anticipated. 

Chakotay walked along the empty corridors in something of a daze. What had just happened? Did it mean nothing or everything? Quite by accident he had stumbled on something of significance. She had clearly wanted to play it down…make it something of no consequence. But the sheen in her eyes and the hitch in her voice had suggested that it was anything but that. The rose had exposed her vulnerability, something she rarely allowed to be revealed. She usually covered herself carefully with a mask of command. 

The mere fact that she had kept it suggested that it had been an item of immense value to her. It meant more than just friendship and loyalty. Perhaps it was just something to remind her that he was there for her. Well was he? In all honesty, he hadn’t been lately, and it was only appropriate that she should now throw it away. Chakotay felt a twinge of remorse at his neglect of his dear friend of late. 

He was still chewing this over as he reached the transporter room doors. Seven was in there waiting for him and she settled for recounting her conversation with the Doctor in animated detail. He didn’t hear a word of what she said. The most frightening, yet intriguing question of all was surfacing in his mind. Had Kathryn kept the rose because she loved him? And if she had loved him all those years ago, did she still? 

The transporter operator told them he was ready for them now. Seven stepped up onto the pad. Chakotay stood rooted to the spot, lost in thought. 

"Chakotay?" Seven asked anxiously. He looked at her blankly, not really registering what was going on. He was brought out of his reverie by the doors opening. In came the two ensigns who were helping Kathryn, and they placed some of her containers in the corner. One of them was the crate with her book. He knew it immediately. A truly precious book, which contained...or at least had contained until a few minutes earlier...tokens of one love lost at the beginning of their journey and another perilously close to being lost at the end. 

Suddenly, everything was crystal clear. If he left now, he could be walking out on the most special relationship of his life. 

"I’m sorry," he apologised to Seven. "There's something I’ve left behind. I’ll be back in a few minutes." 

It seemed a reasonable enough excuse and Seven nodded her understanding, as she stepped back down from the transporter pad. 

As he pressed his way back to Kathryn’s quarters, there was a decided sense of urgency about his steps. He’d made a number of decisions, including dating Seven, on the assumption that Kathryn felt no more for him than did a friend or a at most a sister. He knew now with absolute certainty that he had been wrong in that assumption, and this simple fact changed everything. 

Entering her rooms again, she had her back to him, struggling to close down a crate. He glanced over at the recycling pile. The rose had gone. She’d clearly reclaimed it. If he needed any more confirmation of the rightness of what he was about to do, that was it. 

Sensing a presence behind her, she said, "You can take these now. I think I’m done here." She twisted round, and gave a gasp of surprise when she saw who it was. "Chakotay?" She looked at him uncertainly. "I thought you’d gone." 

He took a step towards her. "I had. Then I realised I’d left something behind." 

"Oh?" 

"Or rather someone," he said, reaching out and hauling her into his arms. He decided he hadn’t the time for a major discussion about the whys and wherefores. He was just going to plunge straight in with both feet. So what if she hit him for his audacity? He leaned forward and captured her lips decisively. No more prevaricating. No more dressing it all up in the guise of an ancient legend. This was how to show her exactly what he wanted, and make no mistake about it. 

Kathryn gave a gasp of surprise. This was the last thing she’d expected, but she was quickly drawn into the passion of the moment. It was a pretty good way of showing him exactly what she wanted too. 

"I love you, Kathryn," he breathed, between kisses. 

"I love you too," she admitted finally. 

When they finally broke for air, he held her face firmly between his two hands, and brushed her eyelids with his thumbs. There were tears again in her eyes. "Kathryn Janeway, you _are_ going to let me make love to you at long last, aren’t you?" he asked with just a hint of uncertainty in his tone. 

She drew a deep breath. She understood his anxiety about this. She’d held him at bay so long. "Just try and stop me, Chakotay." He laughed with sheer relief and joy. 

"Good. Because there are a few Maquis tricks I’d like to show you!" 

"I’ll bet there are…" 

"But…I’m sorry to say…we’ll have to wait for another day…Seven’s waiting for me." 

"Let her down gently, Chakotay." 

"I will, I promise. I’ll take her to her Aunt’s and settle her in. It shouldn’t take more than a few days. Then I’ll be back for you, you have my word. I don’t want to spend another day apart from you…They won’t keep us apart during the debriefings, will they?" 

"No, I don’t think so. I hope not." 

"I intend to be damned straight with them about this, Kathryn. I’m not prepared to hide anything. We’ve nothing to be ashamed of." 

She nodded, accepting this. "Okay." She really couldn't summon up anything resembling a counter-argument at that moment. 

"I’ll tell them that I’m madly in love with my…former…Captain. If they don’t like it they can go to hell." 

"Okay," she said with a bemused smile and a toss of the head. She was still a bit stunned by all this. It was happening so fast. 

They kissed again. Tongues and hands explored frantically now, giving vent to long suppressed passion. 

Reluctantly, Chakotay released her. "I have to go." He stepped back, his fingers lingering on her hand for as long as possible. 

"I know," she said, thumbing the tips of his fingers, before letting go. 

"Three days, maybe two…" he promised. 

She smiled. He took a step towards the door. "Go on! Get out!" she ordered. "Before I shut the door and lock you in!" 

"Now there’s an idea…" he turned for the door. "Remember...three days, my love…" 

"Maybe two?" 

"And Kathryn..." he asserted, eyes alight with anticipation, "you _will_ model that dress for me! So you’d better get plenty of rest…" He threw her one of his huge dimpled smiles, leaving the end of the sentence unspoken, but the implication was obvious. Kathryn's eyes widened with interest, and she answered his smile with one of her own. Then he bobbed out of the door. 

Kathryn threw back her head and stared at the ceiling incredulously, while she steadied her breathing. Then she paced the floor for a few minutes, barely comprehending what had just happened. She knew there was precious little chance of getting much rest over the next few days, but she didn't care any more. 

Finally, she stopped in front of a viewport. If she leaned to the right she could just see the sweeping curve of a familiar shining blue orb. She grinned to herself and reached out and placed one hand on the pane, almost exactly covering the North American continent. Home. Suddenly it was the only place she wanted to be. And it held a world full of the most exciting possibilities. 

A voice behind her asked if the crates were the last of her belongings, and she turned with a relaxed smile. She was ready. 

Chakotay fairly bounced along the corridors and back to the transporter room. Seven greeted him quizzically, with perhaps some mild irritation. They stepped together towards the pads. 

"What was it you had forgotten?" she asked, observing he had brought nothing back with him. 

He placed a gentle reassuring arm on her back, and smiled at her confidently. His future path was clear now, and everything was going to work out just perfectly. He could handle it. 

"The one thing I cannot live without," he replied cryptically. Seven raised an eyebrow. "I will tell you about it later. Right now, your Aunt is waiting, and we shouldn’t keep her any longer, should we?" 


End file.
